


stinkalicious danganronpa swag

by hiptothejavabean



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: As it should be, F/F, Hi im diseased, I FORGOT ABOUT KOMAEDA WHEN I FIRST TAGGED FOR THE SECOND CHAPTER AUAGAHAYUAAGHA, Trans Female Fujisaki Chihiro, ill probably make more i like making my friend happy and having fun, lowercase n shit is on purpose, rated teen and up cos i love to swear, she/her for chihiro, touko is spelled as toko cos im a normal person??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiptothejavabean/pseuds/hiptothejavabean
Summary: swagotronic danganronpa fanfictions i write 4 my friend from information ive learned from them cos ive never played it or anything. and it's fun to make fanfictions and im BORED BORED BORED BORED. crossposted from wasp pad
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Fujisaki Chihiro
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Toko tinked at the shared little computer. In a few weeks, the true perfect novel would be attained, a beautiful allegory of society would be penned! Better than anything she had created before, hell, anything created before! She feverishly typed away, the document autoscrolling down in an attempt to keep up. But finally, through her words, she could pull aside the curtain and gain the praise that she deserved!!!

Not that she needed it.

Besides, no one would understand it quite like her. Nobody would ever understand her. 

Toko brushed sweat off her forehead and hair out of her eyes with one swipe of her shirt sleeve and instantly slammed her hand back onto the keyboard. Yes, a few weeks...

"You should drink some water," came meekly from behind toko, "and how long has it been since you slept?" a glass thunked onto the desk next to tokos elbow. Chihiro was home. it was like 8 am. jesus christ.

Chihiro herself was exhausted--an eight hour shift at the grocery store will do that to you. Not that toko was in much better shape--her hours dashing around the inside of a starbucks meant both of them were always anxious and tired after their shifts.

Neither of them dealt with working and people very well...chihiro shuddered thinking about how her manager had yelled at her after her lunch break that afternoon. And while toko worked in the daytime, chihiro worked third shift, so their schedules intersected just in time for chihiro to have to take her online classes at 4 in the afternoon. Toko had rejected college, insisting her personal intelligence would be enough, which chihiro didnt mind because she just wanted to get a degree so she could be cool.

Toko flexed her fingers, not looking at chihiro. "You cant possibly understand how, but youve set my progress back by at least five days," she bitterly muttered, picking up the glass and sipping.

"R-really? I mean, if--"

Toko finally peered up at chihiro. It always made her feel bad to be flippant with her, but it was general habit. "Do you need the computer?"

"Y...i...y-yeah," chihiro stuttered, now braver. "I thought of a new scene for dangan ronpa!!!"

"Oh yeah? And what happens," toko asked drily, almost coming across sarcastic, but chihiro shrugged.

"Leon dies! Like, they execute him. By throwing baseballs at him! It's ironic and...stuff..." Chihiro tapered away as toko got up, ever taller than her, and started toward the kitchen counter.

She refilled her glass of water and turned around. "Ive been...playing through that game while youve been gone. I think... it's really cute. I like how you made the whole highschool gang." Chihiro beamed. "But the dialogue...it could use something, dont you think?"

Chihiro deflated. "Something?"

It was toko's turn to stutter. "C...can i help you write it?"

"YOU--YOUD DO THAT??!" chihiro exploded in glee, rushing to her girlfriend and wrapping her up. "Even if it meant you didnt finish your book on time??!!!" She looked up at toko like a puppy; toko smiled.

"Yeah, itd only set me off by five days."

Chihiro danced around the little kitchen area until she reached the computer chair and spun around in it a few times. "Thank you thank you thank you! Th-thank you so much!"

Toko yawned and stalked off to their shared bedroom. "Youre welcome. Ill start in on it when i get back from work."

As chihiro smiled and pulled up her files, she hummed and thought about how maybe, someday, they could have a big mansion and never even have to work another day in their lives, all thanks to the video game theyd made together. Maybe.


	2. teruteru time everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teruteru for me friend. I dont know how to cook and i didnt google anything

Teruteru stirred furiously. Ferociously. With the rage of a thousand mardi gras partygoers.   
The big ole towering chocolate layer cake divided into its layers by spreads of peanut butter and coconut was probably going to be a success. Scratch that, it WOULD be a success, he smirked to himself, beating the batter in one of the many bowls scattered around the kitchen like a madman.  
Since it was preceded by a wonderfully seasoned and beef-ground-in-house-featuring spaghetti that he had yet to prepare but had fully set up, he could probably get away with anything after that.   
Even murder...  
He began to pour the bowl into a pan, humming. Yes, teruteru hummed. Probably a song off a pop station, but he was so tone-deaf it was unrecognizable as--  
"Carly rae jepsen???!!" Hiyoko popped up from the other side of the counter.  
Teruteru screamed "CARLY RAE???!!!" and launched to the other side of the kitchen, shaking against the wall.   
"Shes sooooo 2010s," hiyoko blandly reached her grubby hand into the bag of dried coconut teruteru had recklessly left on the counter and started sprinkling it from above into her gaping maw. "Then again, who'd expect better from the ultimate shit taste?" She chewed like a horse.  
Once teruteru had caught his breath enough to stand back up, he marched in her direction, pointing accusatorily. "Now, ylil demon," he started, snatching the coconut bag, "ybetter scat." He swatted at the doorway, and turned back to the confused hiyoko who had been trying to stick her finger into some cake batter.  
She cocked her head. "Freak. Cant even talk right." Just as she went to shove her thumb in the goop, teruteru swung and grabbed it, spilling half of it all over the floor.   
"I SAID...GET!!" He whipped out a skewer and poked at hiyokos pigtails. She rolled her eyes.  
"God, get some therapy or something. Learn to take a joke," she scoffed, huffing out of the kitchen with as many grumbles as she could muster.

Teruteru threw out the half-empty bowl and started on a new one. Mid stir of sugar, butter, and eggs, he shook with realization and clutched at his chest.  
Lord, he'd been driven to getting pissed off THAT easily?   
He exhaled and closed his eyes, massaging his temples. He'd just have to stay calm. Maybe it was a bad day. Just a bad day, right? Nothing he'd never dealt with. If anything, it was a testament to the failings of his normal-person impression that he'd even let it slip at all about nothing, let alone that little...dork. Fucker.  
He mixed the wet ingredients into the dry and panned it. He slid the first pan into the oven and began pouring the other bowls; it was simple! Easy as pie, if it wasnt cake. Hehe, cake...ass...  
As our lovely protagonist contemplated the idea of ass, he put in another cake pan so he could stagger the stacking. Mm hmm. Coming along swimmingly. Now for the--komaeda.  
Komaeda laying on the table.  
"Komaeda." Teruteru started, and komaeda lifted a finger to his lips.  
For about twenty seconds, komaeda sat there, finger pressed against teruterus mouth.   
"Komaeda," teruteru repeated, face curled in agony.  
Komaeda removed the finger from teruterus mouth and dramatically clenched the hand it belonged to in his hair, grimacing. "Yes, teruteru, my friend, my repellant little miniature pal?" He kicked one of his legs in the air.  
"What did you do with my tomatoes," teruteru asked ever so politely.   
"What are tomatoes," asked komaeda, and teruteru smiled pleasantly.  
"Tomatoes. You know what tomatoes are."  
"I ate them," komaeda replied.   
Teruteru breathed hard. "Oh."  
"But i bought a sack of them," komaeda produced a sack from his jacket with the other hand that, indeed, had several tomatoes. "For my friend, my repellant little--"  
"Yeah, yeah, i get it," teruteru took the tomatoes. "Thanks, nagito." He tried to smile politely and motion toward the exit, but komaeda just rolled off the table and to teruterus feet.  
"You dont deserve my scummy tomatoes because im insane," he whined from the floor, and teruteru decided his best strategy would be to roll komaedas body out of the room by kicking it.  
Which he did.

Okay, his time would be off a little, but who could blame teruteru? It's his dish, but hey.   
He put in the third and fourth layers at the same time. It was fine.   
Okay, then it's mashing up tomatoes. For sauce. Of course he made his own spaghetti sauce, he's not a monster.   
It went off without a hitch; cooking up the beef, the sauce, spicing it, starting the spaghetti noodles.  
As he turned off the burner for the sauce, he marvelled at his momentary luck. So many distractions, but hey, no hot people. Just...hiyoko and komaeda. And it wasnt THAT distracting. He'd gotten all sorts of shit done! Not that it was much compared to what he did at home, but fancy boarding schools had lots less food options than a personally-run diner.  
He put the last cake layer in the oven and removed the first. Okay, good. Tasty, even.   
Teruteru smiled to himself.  
"EY TITTY!" Soda hollered over his shoulder.  
"soda," teruteru nodded, still in a good mood.  
"Yer my friend, right?"  
"Depends if thats all you wanna be," teruteru purred a little.  
"Wow, really? Wait a second, like, what? Huh? Like--" soda babbled.  
Teruteru twitched. "Bluffing. That was bluffing. Like a joke."  
"I see," soda meditated on this.  
Teruteru pulled out another cake.   
"So we're friends. Nothing wrong with a little secret sharin between friends."  
"Nothing wrong with that!" Teruteru conceded and grabbed a container of peanut butter.   
"So if i said i..." Soda wheedled, twiddling his fingers. "wanted a bone...FROM THE BEEF YMADE..."   
"The bone. From the beef." Teruteru repeated, still not turning to look at him, now just staring blankly at the jar of peanut butter.  
"YEAH!"  
"For..."  
Soda sighed and flopped forward into teruterus way, sprawled on the counter. "Is it in the garbage?"  
"If i said yes, would you eat it--"  
Soda jerked up and shrieked; his hair had caught on fire because itd gotten caught in the spaghetti burner right next to the countertop.   
"OH FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK--" squealed soda, like a wild pig, grabbing at his hair and acting surprised when it burned his fingers.   
"BUBBA WHOOBA--" teruteru got smacked full on in the face as soda flailed around his kitchen, gradually becoming more engulfed in fire.   
Teruteru dashed around the kitchen, opening and closing fridges and cupboards desperately in search of a fire extinguisher or a water bucket or--BINGOOO!!!  
teruteru futilely tossed water at sodas body, screaming something like "ROLL AROUND ON THE FLOOR!!!!". All this accomplished was making soda start dodging the water because it was cold. "ROLL!!!" teruteru gasped, scrabbling for the fire extinguisher.  
"IM IN AGONY AAAGGGGHH!!!!" soda rolled on the floor, but now the floor was on fire, and teruteru dodged little patches of flame as he reached into a storage room.  
Yes, yes..."YEEHAW!!" he yowled, wheeling around and positioning the fire extinguisher like a gun.  
Sodas open, screaming mouth was filled with fire extinguisher fluid, and the floor was like walking on clouds, but there was no more fire. Thank fuck.  
Charred, half bald, and curled up on the floor in agony, soda spluttered and croaked. "Thaaaanks man...can i have the bone now?"  
"Not a problem," teruteru sparkled. "and why the fuck do you want my bone."  
In a moment, soda was upright at the countertop. "BRO. MY BODY. HURTS." for emphasis, he slammed his hand down. Onto the handle of the saucepan, still full of sauce. Covered in it, he continued. "IVE SUFFERED ENOUGH."  
"You havent suffered at all compared twhat i can do to you," teruteru tried. Soda shuddered like he was about to cry. Okay, maybe it was worth just stepping down. Probably. "It's in the garbage."  
"REALLY?!!!" soda lit up and globs of tomato covered teruterus sad little white chef shirt.   
Teruteru watched him dig through the trash can, entranced. Soda was half in the can, tossing garbage up in the air, but instead of landing on the floor or on him, it just slopped back in the can. How did he do that?  
Soda emerged, bone firmly in his teeth. "Hey man," he crunched at it and it made an earsplitting cracking noise, "is the spaghetti sposed to be screaming?"  
Teruteru whipped around and sure enough, the lid on the spaghetti pot was blasting off from the sheer force of the boiling water. "HUPPADA WADDA BUGGA HUBBA!!!" teruteru shrieked in gibberish, attacking the pot so hard it just spilled everywhere.  
"I don't think you were sposed to do that," soda looked at the boiling water seeping into fire extinguisher fluid and wiggly noodles all over the floor. Teruteru stared down.  
"Get the fuck out," teruteru sobbed.

Teruteru laid in the center of the kitchen. He chuckled softly to himself. "I already had to make a whole new layer. And the tomatoes. And--and now my spaghetti, my spaghetti, it's DESTROYED, my CAKES BURNED, KOMAEDA!!!!" By now he was just straight up crying and screaming to himself.  
gundham stood forlornly in the doorway, just watching the depressing little man before him. Behold, the failures of mortal man. The effort put forth to impress--pitiful.  
"Greetings, pathetic little man. The Boobied One demanded sustenance immediately, and as a group it was randomly decided that i would be the one to ask." Gundham didnt walk into the room at all in the hopes that the white fluffy shit wouldnt interfere with his goth look.  
Teruteru sat bolt upright. "GUNDHAM," he gasped. Slowly rising to his feet, he made his way to gundham like some sort of zombie, creeping. "no spaghetti. No cake. But...ham..."  
"I do not understand what you mean," gundham gulped, trying to dodge the globs of white that teruteru was flinging everywhere as he made grabby hands for his scarf.  
"hamster garnish," teruteru mumbled in a fervor. "Come on, gundham." He finally managed to grab onto the scarf, and yanked gundham down to his eye level. "I could just eat you up."  
Gundham slammed teruteru across the kitchen with a nearby frying pan.  
"I shall tell the Queen of Darkness to order from the King of Burgers," gundham chucked the pan over his shoulder as he left, and it clunked onto teruterus head.  
He was unconscious for the next thirty six hours, and it was the best sleep of his life.


End file.
